Gareth Macready

There’s nothing quite so boring

as lying beside someone snoring.

All the rafters are shaking

with the sounds that they’re making.

Sleep, is the last thing you can do.

You think about going and getting some glue,

so you can hold the nostrils closed,

of the person beside you who’s dozed.

You’re in a sleep-deprived state.

So, you tell yourself to wait,

while you search for a solution.

You remember something someone said,

about how a snoring person’s head,

has to be on its side,

so that that little tiny piece of fat,

that’s flapping at the back of the nostrils,

that’s making you want sleeping pills,

will stop its flipping flapping,

so that you can start your napping.

So you lift this person’s shoulder.

It’s like a flipping boulder.

You wish you’d kept up at the gym.

You’re glad she’s a her and you’re a him.

Finally you get the job done.

Feels like you’ve done a ten-mile run.

It’s only then that you realize

she has the blanket between her thighs.